Spring Special Offer – Get Excited Now!
Seasonal discounts available NOW on range of MND health and fitness products.
The sun is shining!!! Wooohooo!! The ceaseless rain in the UK seems to be coming to an end, and as spring is coming, here at MND we want to help put a spring in your step!
So grab yourself a bargain right now!
First on the list, we can offer you our revolutionary new health product called ‘Air’! This little beauty offers you a simply life-saving range of health benefits, just look what this fantastic ‘Air’ can do for you:
- Without this, you’re dead in just 5 minutes! Boo yah, beat that SlimFast!
- Research shows that every living person on Earth, now and EVEN back in the ‘Golden Era’ of the Paleolithic period, they ALL breathed Air! Boom! Take that ViSalus!
- Suitable for vegans, vegetarians, pescetarians, breatharians, gnashing meat-eaters, cannibals and pretty much everyone else alive! Kapow! Who’s ya daddy now Multi-Vit tablet?
Here at MND Global HQ we’ve pulled out all the stops and leveraged our favourite global distribution network JUST FOR YOU. Available right now, for a limited time only (get it before we burn all the coal and gas and oil and f*ck it all up permanently!) you can access as much ‘Air’ as you want for FREE, distributed globally by your local upline representative, Mother Nature! We suggest you get out there and gulp down a few lungful’s of the good stuff right now! It’s FREE people!! Wooohooo!!!
Next up, this is THE #1 supplement on the market today, this is quite literally the additive you can’t live without, we bring you, ‘Water’! Yes folks, take ‘Water!’ every day and you will enjoy all these amazing benefits:
- Alive! Yes indeed, a total of 8 million years of clinical research has proven that without ‘Water!’ you’ve as dead as a bag of smelly old socks!!
- Full of energy! This is it folks. A 185,000 year study of every living human to ever breathe on this planet has shown that ‘Water!’ is the secret elixir of life! No ‘Water!’ = no energy at all! Boom! Beat that you dehydrated organic raw kale chip!
- Quality sleep! Try skipping ‘Water!’ for just one month and you’ll get all the sleep you need – 6 feet under! Drink revolutionary new ‘Water!’ every day and sleep like a baby, and we don’t mean you’ll wake up crying every 3 hours and crap your own pants!
- Optimal organ function! Yeehaaa you don’t get that from ‘Mass Gain Extreme’ protein powders do ya?!
- Clear thinking!! Yes folks, your brain is made of ‘Water!’ too, and without a diet high in ‘Water!’, you’d be so screwed you wouldn’t even be able to complete the first level on Candy Crush Saga! Boom! Talk about a life not worth living!
Come on folks! All these benefits can be yours if you’ll just take our patented uniquely copyrighted Super 10-Day ‘Water!’ Challenge right now!
Starting today, we challenge you to drink at least 2 to 3 litres of ‘Water!’ EVERY single day for at least 10 Days and feel the difference! You’ll be so amazed at the benefits that you won’t want to give it up! We guarantee you’ll be drinking ‘Water!’ for life!
And if we are wrong? If you don’t like the results of ‘Water!’ in your life, then we’ll help you relocate to Chad or Ethiopia, where only 24% of the population have clean drinking water at their disposal. We’ll even buy you a new pair of flip flops to help with the 12-mile round trip you have to walk every day to try to find ‘Water!’ that won’t make you sick!
So take the MND Super 10-Day ‘Water!’ Challenge now! It’s FREE! Yes, that’s a massive 100% discount, just go to your tap and start guzzling!
Come on folks, get to it, turn that tap, or better still, go outside somewhere beautiful and stick your head in a river! (Please note: The product ‘River’ is Not suitable for city dwellers or any water courses containing chemical effluent, dead sheep and rusting old refrigerators.)
Our next Spring Special Offer just for you, marks a paradigm shift (don’t you find everything in health seems to mark a paradigm shift these days? I remember the boring 1990’s when I didn’t even know the word ‘paradigm’ existed! How dull! Vive Le 21st Century!!) Yes folks, this next offer marks a real paradigm shift, or at least a butt shift, in health and wellbeing – we bring you the all new revolution of ‘Exercise!’
Many people these days have fallen victim to a health condition broadly known as “butt stuck to comfy sofa”, which has been spreading around the land hand-in-hand with a disease called “big TV screen” and another crippling condition which doctors call “got a new iPad and lots of free games”! We know how hard it can be to break free from the effects of these nasty afflictions. We know what they can do to you, they cause butt spreading, lethargy, lack of energy, late nights, constant tiredness and a general thickening of the mid-section. ‘Comfy sofa’ disease has been shown to directly cause increasing deposits of adipose tissue in the abdomen, hips and butt-cheeks, and it makes us here at MND Central quite sad that so many people have been struck down by this critical condition.
Have you been affected by ‘Comfy sofa’ disease? Take our free and completely confidential health assessment now to find out:
Q1: Can you run at least a mile without wanting to puke and collapse? No? Pathetic. What chance have you got when the alien invasion arrives? How the heck will you ‘run to the hills screaming’ when the attack begins? Haven’t you seen ‘war of the Worlds’? (All the time on the sofa you could at least watch a good movie…) They’ll mow you down with their heat rays in moments you loser.
Q2: Can you drop and gimme 20 push-ups? No? You should be ashamed of yourself you wimp. Get to it NOW!
Q3: Can you do a chin or pull-up? No? Well you can’t join my army then, everyone should be able to hold their own bodyweight for at least one pull up…what if you have to climb a tree to escape a crazed rabid sabre-toothed tiger? You’re lunch, loser.
Start using ‘Exercise!’ today and start enjoying the benefits immediately!
You will –
- Stop looking like a sack of potatoes!
- Burn off that wobbly ring of flab that sits on the waist band of your trousers and shows no matter how baggy you buy your clothes!
- Be able to look good whatever you wear!
- Feel great!
- Be using your body for what it was designed to do – you’re supposed to move! Who knew?!?
The MND Big Spring Offer is all you need, you can benefit right now from a SUBSTANTIAL discount, this offer gives you EVERYTHING YOU NEED to start benefitting from ‘Exercise!’ immediately:
- NO special equipment
- NO £130 quid running shoes
- NO lycra clothing
- NO gym membership
- NO £1500 quid carbon framed bicycle
- NO sports gels, energy drinks, protein powders or superfood bars
Just get off your damn butt and go for a walk!
Do some push-ups, climb a tree, a rope, pull up on a bar, do some sit-ups, star jumps, tuck jumps, go swimming or try a jog.
But if all else fails – just walk!! Yes, walk!!! Walk!!! WALK!!!! WALK!!!!!!!! And just in case none of those work for you, try going for a WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our next special offer is JUST what you have been looking for! Introducing a Nutritional Revolution, we bring you ‘Food!’ Yes!! Now I know you THINK you have seen ‘Food!’ before, but this is not just ‘any old food’, no, this is special Trademarked copyrighted ‘Food!’!! This is REAL, fresh, natural, WHOLE Food!! You can’t beat it!
- Unbeatable micronutrient profiles!! ‘Real Whole Food!’ brings you real vitamins and minerals, complete with their bioflavonoids, carotenoids, enzymes and fibres the way nature designed them, so you can actually absorb them and use them to keep you looking youthful and keep fighting cancer! None of that ineffective over-priced synthetic shite in a plastic bottle, made in a factory in Taiwan and shipped across the planet (no rush, shelf life lasts for ages!) which turns your pee bright orange as you pee half of it away shortly after swallowing!
- Contains everything your body needs!! No more sifting through the shelves of plastic bottles in your local ‘health food’ shop to find that £38 quid bottle of some mineral you think you are missing (because one of your fingers nails cracked and you read somewhere that means you have a mineral shortage) even though you don’t actually know what Iron is, because the ‘iron’ they make ships out of is hard and heavy and used in engineering, but the iron in the bottle appears to be a small peach-coloured tablet? End the confusion! Just eat REAL ‘Food!’
- Guaranteed FREE massive dose of SUPERFOOD in every meal! Yes, really, compared to 95% of what is for sale in a modern supermarket, REAL, fresh, WHOLE food IS the ONLY true SUPER food! But without the ‘Razzamatazz’ price tag! No more bullshit £130 pounds per kilo for some highly processed powder, just buy REAL food and gain all the benefits without having to watch your bank account cry for mercy at the end of the month! Boom! So screw you superfood merchants!
And finally, we have a special FREE BONUS for YOU, just because it’s almost spring time, we bring you ‘Sunshine’
- limited time offer, especially if you live in the UK!
Get out and make the most of it folks, go and enjoy Mother Nature’s splendour, bathed in glorious nourishing sunshine. As our founder says ‘You can’t buy that in a bottle’ so make sure you expose that pasty white skin of yours to the sun at every given opportunity. Perhaps if you do it more than 3 times per year (all in August) then you might actually develop enough of a tan that you won’t burn after just 3 minutes on the beach on a warm day! (Don’t forget our new Patented, Trademarked, Copyrighted, Proprietary-Blend Sun Mask – we call it ‘Shade!’ If you feel too hot, find a tree and get some ‘Shade!’ – it’s all you need!)
Your free bonus: Purchase massive bulk quantities of all the above, and you get this super special bonus product for FREE!!
- Zest for Life!
That’s it folks, free with EVERY order, get your passion for living, bundle up your Feelgood Factor and get out there and LOVE LIFE!
This Special Offer Promotion was brought to you by your friendly neighbourhood MotherNaturesDiet!
For bulk orders, or to join our strangely-pyramid-shaped ‘get-rich-quick’ Distributor Scheme, just call 0800-DON’T-BE-A-MUG and we’ll take you for everything you’ve got.
Karl @ MND